Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Swarm

The cicadas arrived a couple of weeks ago and they are driving me crazy. The little buggers appear out of nowhere about this time every summer and do their best to scare the total bejeesus out of me.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not afraid of bugs (that is me holding the one pictured to the right. You can tell it's me by the total lack of any kind of manicure.) And it's not even the incessant "songs" they sing every night that can get so loud it will drown out all normal conversation.

Nope, it's because they deliberately lie in wait just outside the door; and when I take a step through .... BAM! ... I get nailed. At least once a day, I am dive bombed by one of the damn things. They are pretty big bugs and fast, too; if they manage to smack you upside the head, you feel it. And up close and personal like that, they sound like a chain saw.

Recently I walked out onto the deck, carrying a glass of wine, and one flew straight for my eyes. This startled me into involuntarily hurling my own drink up into my face. As much as it royally entertained everyone else present, I was much less than pleased.

The one pictured above knocked himself out trying to get me last night, so I grabbed him to have a little talk, and maybe get him to pass on a few words of warning to his friends. He got a little angry, but that just made me enjoy it even more.

Right after that, I squashed him! Haha, just kidding! I only flicked him between the eyes like he meant to do to me, then I let him go free. I am expecting some sort of revenge attempt later this evening, but I'll be ready with my tennis racket, baby. Bring 'em on!

Monday, September 10, 2007

I Miss You Old Man

Six years ago a cherished friend, Jeremy Pascall, passed away. He was an accomplished music journalist, coming of age in the '60s, when England started swinging, as the saying goes. He interviewed all the big rock stars of the time (he had extremely funny stories of time spent with Mickey Dolenz of The Monkees fame; alas, they are not my stories to tell) and was an integral part of the avant guarde group Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band; I believe he's even pictured on the back of one of their albums. That would be enough for most people, but fortunately, Jeremy was NOT most people.

He also wrote several books, was a successful DJ at Capitol Radio in London, hosting the shows Vinyl Vaults and The UnEncyclopedia of Rock, before evolving into a talented radio and television comedy writer. The man was FULL of the most esoteric knowledge you had never heard of. It was impossible to win a game of Trivial Pursuit against him, or any kind of quiz for that matter; lord knows I tried.

I met him while working at the BBC on a popular UK entertainment show I had somehow talked my way onto; a show that he had devised and still wrote for, no less. I was a wet-behind-the-ears researcher, a brash young mouthy American who knew nothing about English popular culture. He was a prickly, cigar smoking, hard drinking, high-flying bon vivant who knew almost everybody important in the worlds of comedy and telly, and everything about English popular culture; and he did NOT suffer fools gladly.

I loved him from the minute I met him. For some inexplicable reason, he did not immediately savage me for the idiot that I was, but instead took pity on me and swept me under his professional wing. He helped me countless times tip-toe through the minefield that is entertainment television, for which I am forever grateful.

But he was more than a mentor; he was a good friend. When I was working in London and living in the most dismal flat, he and his beautiful wife, Susan, would insist that I spend weekends at their fabulous home in Brighton. They would wine and dine me, show me the sights, and generally treat me like a member of the family; in fact, I spent my 28th birthday weekend at their house.

Jeremy would also often travel up from Brighton to have lunch with me at what I used to call "the old man's pub" at Victoria Station; he didn't like that description, but I liked to needle him, just so he would give me his scary glare and lecture me on my lack of intelligence. "Listen Yank, let me tell you ....." was a phrase I heard often.

He was a world traveler and could count quite a few celebrities as his close friends, but he was never a snob. He was just as happy to grab a curry and eat it on his lap with those of us who weren't quite as well-to-do, as he was to dine at The Ivy. To him and Susan, it was the company they were with, not the location, that mattered.

He claimed to not care for children; when asked if he liked babies he would often reply, "Yes, I had one for breakfast this morning"**. Yet he and Susan were godparents to quite a few lucky boys and girls, and they never failed to ask how your kids were doing. When The Princess was born, he and Susan sent two adorable sweaters her mother had knitted as gift - and then pretended they never did any such thing.

In an industry renowned for its total insincerity, he was a loyal friend. Long after I had quit working in television, he would ring just to check on me; and I thought nothing of picking up the phone and disturbing him whenever I felt the need for his advice.

When he was diagnosed with throat cancer, he kept it secret for quite some time; as he explained later, you can get away with just about anything in the entertainment business except being seriously ill. I never thought for a moment that he wouldn't beat it; his lust for life was so large, it was just impossible to consider. In fact, the day before he died, I received an email from him in which he cracked two or three really politically incorrect jokes about having cancer; I'm delighted to report that he was irreverent to the very end.

I could go on and on about Jeremy; but happily for you, reader of my blog who most likely never met him, I won't. Instead, I will share with you a few things I learned from him, in no particular order:

Showbusiness - it's the business they call show. Never forget it's a business - money talks or the talent walks.

Never go to Rusholme with Jamie Goold.

Comedians who juggle are to be avoided at all costs.

When hosting a dinner party, always serve two or three bottles of really nice wine to start off with, then switch to the box you have hidden in the kitchen. Your guests will never notice.

Working with an actress is like washing a cat. Somebody is gonna get scratched and cry before it's all over and done with.

Don't eat mussels unless you're at the sea-side.

Always be nice to people on your way up the ladder of success; if you are, they might refrain from kicking you too hard on your way down.

Cheer up SleepyJean! Just cheer up and sing, dammit!

There is a beloved story attached to every one of these, and just thinking about them makes me smile. I am glad I've at last had the opportunity to publicly mourn your passing, even though it's nearly six years to the day of your funeral, and to say, I really miss you J - you were a one of a kind. And even though you are dead, I will never agree that Fred Astaire was a better dancer than Gene Kelly. Never!
____________________________________________________

(The picture was taken at the top of Beachy Head - I was too scared to walk up to the edge, so we crawled to it. I was forever tagged as a "the Yank in the big girl's blouse" after that.)

** copyright William Shakespeare.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

It's Britney Ya'll!

Maybe it's another side-effect of coming off the Lexapro, but I find myself compelled to watch Britney Spears open the MTV music awards. I'm thinking I should have just gotten a prescription for Ambien instead. Okay, here she comes, shush!
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Wow. Okay, first impressions .....

It's a sucky song.

Oye vey! A young lady who had two children in rapid succession should not, I repeat, NOT squeeze herself into a tiny little bikini thingie unless she has been working out something other than her drinking arm. Yeesh. And please, skip the calf-high leather boots if you have calf fat. I'm just saying.

Lipsynching is hard, ya'll! It must be, as she just quit doing it towards the end of the song, and didn't even bother to pretend after that. Oh, she was moving her lips, but that was to count her "dance" steps. She looks bored/doped out of her skull, like some kind of low-end stripper from the local 'Doll House' that's WAY too close to a military base.

Pole dancers are soooo 2004.

Grabbing random dancer guy's crotch is no longer shocking; I believe it's actually her way of asking somebody on a date these days. I predict she will marry him in a couple of months.

I am relieved to see that - for once - she is not masticating a huge wad of gum like some kind of lobotomized cow.

Whew, it's over.

I don't think this is going to be the big comeback she was hoping for; I bet you a dollar to one of the dozen or so doughnuts she must have scoffed before taking the stage that she will be getting up to no good later tonight. What happens to Britney in Vegas, stays in the headlines!

Please god, let her be wearing underwear this time.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Don't Worry, We Brought A Goat!

I came across this story today; "Nepalese State Airline Sacrifices Goats To Appease Sky God"

According to Reuters, "Nepal Airlines, which has two Boeing aircraft, has had to suspend some services in recent weeks due to a problem. The goats were sacrificed in front of the troublesome aircraft Sunday at Nepal's only international airport in Kathmandu in accordance with Hindu traditions, an official said".

I wonder if they also got a qualified airline mechanic to take a little look under the hood, as well. You know, just in case the whole goat sacrifice didn't work out as planned.

As Dave Barry would say, you can't make this stuff up.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Another Baby Leaves The Nest .... Hallelujah!

Today The Boy started his first day at his new school. He has been terribly overexcited about it since he went to Open House last week. When his big sister gave him her old backpack, that was just the icing on the cake! He's been badgering us for the last three days.



The Boy
(beaming with excitement)
"School today Mommy?"
Mommy
"No, not until Tuesday."
The Boy (beaming with excitement)
"School today Mommy?"
Mommy (getting more irritated)
"No! You're a broken record, stop asking the same question over and over."
The Boy (beaming with excitement)
"Yeah! I broken record! School today Mommy?"
Mommy (at wit's end)
"Go find your father!"

Repeat this conversation until you feel like you've landed in Groundhog Day.

Here he is modeling his new look. You can see by his face that he is very pleased with himself.

He and Daddy had a great time getting ready this morning; we were not worried for a minute that he would cry when he got there. No sir, he couldn't wait!

I was touched that when we arrived, he wanted Daddy and I to hold his hands on the way in; but that turned out to be just because he wanted help to make big jumps up the steps in his haste to get inside the building.

There were other parents there with crying children who didn't want their mommies and daddies to leave; The Boy gleefully skipped past them without a second look and happily waved bye-bye to us. As we left, he was cosying up to a cute little blond girl who was cooking in the play kitchen. Just like his daddy; it really is quite alarming.

However, he did eventually cry ... when it was time to go home. We must be doing something right!

Monday, September 3, 2007

Must Keep Swimming

Hope ya'll are having an enjoyable long weekend .... I had to work. So for me; meh, not so much.

I'm sure it was a novel experience for the manager to have a frantic employee begging for things to do for a change. Movement and constant action are just about the only thing that keep the brain zaps at a bearable level. I am now like a shark, I must keep swimming or die.

Saturday, September 1, 2007

The Morman Rap

I know ya'll think I'm unhealthily obsessed by religion and maybe that's true.....

Oh all right, it is true, I confess. I ask you for forgiveness and you, dedicated reader, are required by most religious tenets to do so; done deal! Now let's move on, shall we?

At least today it's not about the extremist Christian whackos who get under my skin like chiggers; no, it's much more fun than those dour harbingers of doom.

(/cue M.C. Hammer's You Can't Touch This)

It's Mormon Time!

I came across this gem on good old YouTube and had to share it; it is the absolute polar opposite to anything produced by 50 Cent. Jumping Jehovah!

Just look how far "rap music" has come since Grandmaster Flash and "The Message"!


Is it just me, or do the singers on that backing track sound just like Donnie and Marie? In the interest of full disclosure, I used to lurve me some Donnie and Marie Show back in the 70's. I still own all The Osmond Brothers albums and enjoy nothing more than singing "Paper Roses", in full operatic voice, to aggravate my children.

As I've posted before, Big Love is my fave show on TV, and right now I'm all about those lovable, cheerful, perky, relentlessly upbeat in nature, really-kind-of-weird-to-the-rest-of-us Mormons! The Husband and I even watched a very dry documentary on PBS the other day about the history of the LDS church. It was pretty interesting - I had no idea it was such a "new" faith, and that they got massacred quite often in their earlier days (by the US Government no less) for being heretical polygamists. That does go some way to explaining why they still feel so persecuted as a group today, I guess.

And it had not yet sank in to my over-caffeinated skull, until watching this clip, that Mormons don't drink Coke, Pepsi, or especially, heaven forfend, the official drink of the South, Mountain Dew! Golly!