Seven Things That Annoy Me

While I was away last week, I was tagged by Pawhealer at A Spiritual Dog Blog who challenged me to list seven things that annoy me that I might not otherwise blog about. Thanks for thinking of me Paw! And go and read her blog, her recent weight reduction is awesome to behold!

Okay, now that I've had a chance to think about it, I realize there are waaaaay more than seven things in this world that annoy me, but I will try to boil it down to most recent and for once exclude my children, the dangers of religious extremism, or the fact that monkeys are still loose in the world.

They are, in no particular order:

1) People who say in a condescending fashion when asked for their email address "Oh, I don't have email, why I don't even have a computer! I make do with real life friends, thanks!" And then they twitter proudly, as if they aren't showing off the fact that they are a complete Luddite twat. They remind me of my great-grandmother who refused to get indoor electricity because "the devil was in the wires and he would make a spark and set the house on fire". Idiots.

2) That Hardee's Hula Girl commercial plugging their Hawaiian sandwich. You know the one. Surfer dude ogles and fondles the little hula girl statue on his dashboard while the voice-over guy says in a seductive we're-all-boys-together tone, "When a guy can't get his wahine to put some walakehaki ALL OVER his moa-oo ..... " complete with slurpy, crunching eating sound effects. It makes my skin crawl every time I see it. It is by far the creepiest in a long ling of sexist creepy commercials they have put out. I can only imagine their ad agency is full of horny and perpetually sexually frustrated frat-boys. Eww.

3) Drivers who adamantly refuse to use their turn signal. How many times have you been waiting to turn left, see oncoming traffic and wait for the car to pass, only to watch them suddenly turn right - without signaling - making you miss your chance to jump in front of the massive tailback caused by their crappy driving? This one just barely edged out the chick gabbing and laughing on the cell-phone who's going 50 in the fast lane, completely oblivious to the fact that she's a dangerous moron.

4) "Crawls" at the bottom of television shows. It started on CNN and other news networks and has insidiously infiltrated main stream programming. You're settled in, just beginning to enjoy your show, when suddenly Gil Grissom, sternly waving a flashlight around, pops up at the foot of the screen plugging "CSI - NEXT!". This is distracting to say the least and god forbid you're watching something with subtitles. I can't tell you how many times I have wished I was still a college student and could legitimately throw a beer can at the screen in frustration.

5) Woman who are anxious to assure you they're not feminists. They are invariably the stiletto wearing types with high-powered careers, nanny, and a husband who doesn't mind cleaning. Get over yourselves, ladies, and go and watch Billie Jean King: Portrait of a Pioneer. Kiss her butt and thank her, and the other women like her, for burning their bras to get YOU the opportunities you have today. Don't worry, you can still wear the pink lipstick, even after you do get a clue.

6) People who will only listen to one type of music. You are boring one-dimensional folk that are completely missing out on a comprehensive world view that will only help you grow as a person. I mean, come on, if hip-hop and country music stars Nelly and Tim McGraw can collaborate, can't you?

7) Children who roll their eyes in a sarcastic fashion. Now, I know I said I would leave children out of it, but I only meant my children. Eye-rolling is a malady afflicting all of our children, particularly the teenage-girl children that I have recently been substitute teaching. I have finally found a spokesperson to combat this problem - the scary grandma that is Madea. She is actually Tyler Perry in drag, but I'm not quibbling because she echoes my sentiments exactly!