A Jock Full Of Chiggers ...

... is apparently the gift that keeps on giving! The Husband and The Starlet went for a hike by the lake on Sunday and he somehow managed to bring most of the chigger population home in his pants.

For those of you who don't know what a chigger is, they are teeny little mites that live in the woods. They lie in wait on plants and in tress and spring on you as you pass by. They are parasitic, sucking fluid from your skin once they attach; your skin swells up around them and they keep sucking until they fall off, gorged. They are also called "no see-ums" because you can't see them with the naked eye. They tend to gravitate to the more moist areas of your body, like armpits, socks, your waistband, your ..... um, you do the math there.

The bites are intensely itchy and can cause grown men to whimper. I mean *coughs* so I've heard. Not that I've recently heard whimpering or anything unmasculine like that! No, no whimpering here! Haha, perish the thought! Anyway, here is a gross picture for you to enjoy with your morning coffee....

The bites woke him up in the wee hours of Monday morning and were still appearing on Tuesday afternoon. I've never seen someone so eat up with them, bless his heart. They were everywhere in places you really don't want chigger bites, if you know what I'm saying. The Starlet had not a single one; he must have done something bad to chiggers in a past life, as he sure is paying off bad chigger karma now.

Is there a more romantic way to spend time with your man than painting clear fingernail polish onto a multitude of big red spots thoughtfully - and quite artfully I might add, they were beauties - arranged in and around his crotch while he yelps, "it stings, good GOD, it stings!"?

I don't think so, my friends, I don't think so.